BlogLab

Dev.D was your breakout role; it won you a Filmfare award. How much would you say has changed since then?

While filming Dev.D you could wake me up in the middle of the night and I would know my lines. I would be able to say them; I was so nervous about lines. Now I’m much more concerned with the meaning of the lines, so it’s not so much about getting the right words. It’s about getting the meaning across and that helps a lot. Of course, language has helped. Getting a proper Hindi teacher, to be able to speak properly, helps a lot. I also know that it's healthy for me to counter whatever I'm doing. So if I'm playing an intense role, then after I get home, I need to shake that off and go for a swim, do some exercise, or even just watch a light show. Something that will just change my energy. I started understanding the need to balance it out.

It depends on each and every character because some are light. With Aditi in Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani, there was no process. I just worried about how my hair looked. It was more about bonding with my co-stars than any hard-core process. All four of us (Deepika Padukone, Ranbir Kapoor and Aditya Roy Kapur) were hanging out a lot. We were having dinners together, going for walks in the mountains together, and stuff like that. That was the important thing. For me something like Margarita was completely different. For six whole months, I stayed in a wheelchair and just practised with it. I also practised the speech and how the muscles would move. I went so deep into it, even physically, that I started having problems. I had a backache. In this case for Goldfish, my director gave me a bunch of research material in terms of the accent—getting the right kind of British accent and wearing certain kinds of outfits. It was also about this British attitude of keeping everything inside. She’s from a culture where you hide things and bottle them up. So that was an important feedback from him. I can go on and on, but each and every character has a journey.

What made you sign Goldfish?

Honestly, I was already a fan of Pushan Kripalani. I’ve told him that whenever you do anything, I’d like to work with you. He said, “Oh yes, I have a perfect role for you. It’s about a mother-daughter relationship and it’s beautiful. Unfortunately, I have no money. And I don't know when I'll make it”. That was pre-pandemic, and it took about four years for him to call me back and say, “Okay, I found a producer and they want to start shooting yesterday, so let’s go!” He's the main reason. I cried when I read the script. We don't often see these kinds of subjects. We view them as hopeless or dark, but this is a hopeful film, and it has forgiveness in it. That’s what makes you cry more, because when you can't hold the anger anymore, the sadness comes out.

How was the process of filming for you?

We were shooting in London during a COVID-19 wave. We were insulated with only a small crew and the actors. We shot the whole film in less than a month. Our DOP had a three-camera set-up, so we always had one camera on Deepti Naval, one camera on me and another camera taking the whole scene. We would do the whole scene without any cuts. It was almost like we were doing a play. It was exciting, and intense.

I was given the name of a British actress and was watching all her interviews and listening to her. I remember mimicking and getting that accent right. And other than that, Pushan didn’t give me too much. He gave me a lot of stories because Pushan and the writer Argya Lehri, who had written the script together, both had family members who had dementia; actually, Deepti Ma'am's mother also had it. They gave me some strong anecdotes. Having that background and the real stories around me was helpful.

Your ex-husband Anurag Kashyap presented the movie. What’s your working dynamic with him?

He came on board after the film was finished. It went to the Busan Film Festival and he came to watch our film. He loved it and said, “I'd love to support it,” and we were, of course, thrilled. We need all the help we can get for these small films. He can recognise a good movie when he sees it.

You are showing your vulnerable side in this film. What goes on in your mind while filming emotional scenes?

You shouldn’t think when you’re acting. All your thinking should have happened before. That’s why you prepare. You find out how this character will respond. What words would she choose to use in this situation? All that preparation happens before. But the day when you’re doing that scene where you have to break down, get angry, smash something against the wall, or anything, you just have to react. It's all about what the other person in front of you is saying and doing, and you’re just giving it back or reacting in whichever way. It's about being in the moment, and believing it. You believe you're in that situation. You’re no longer Kalki; you’re Anamika and you're pissed off at your mother because she’s insane. That’s it.

Oh my God. I don’t think I'll ever get to that stage with my mother when I'm fighting with her. Because she’s so cute. I love her so much and she’s so adorable. Why would I fight with her like I did in the film? Now that I'm a mother, I have become much more sensitive to what she had gone through. Because that mother’s love in the beginning, no matter how tough she might have been or whatever, still gave everything for you to be alive today. It's just very moving to be a mother and then play a daughter in this situation. It definitely adds a lot of layers to the film.

Would you say that motherhood changed you as a person and as an artiste?

I don't know if motherhood has changed me. But it’s made me question who I was before and maybe just reminded me of the things that are important to me. You're just a slave to this little child, crying 24/7. You start getting reminded of what matters in this life. And that’s just a wonderful feeling to know and to have that again. You have always been unafraid to speak your mind and do your own thing. Do you think it's important for celebs to be their unfiltered selves off-screen? We don’t know what everybody is going through. There are times when I need to be quiet too, and I can't put it out there on social media. I need to just be in therapy or stare at the ceiling. There are times when you need to absorb what you're going through. And there are other times when you’ve healed from it. Usually, when you've healed from it, you can share it with others. As human beings, if we don't share our journeys, then we're never going to know that there are other people going through the same thing. But everybody has to find their own time and space to do it.

What's it like to be able to return to the same character across seasons in Made in Heaven?

It's fun because you already know the familiar habits that this character has. Sometimes I just go back and look at some of the scenes from the first season just to remember that she had this problem or that issue. I also got the chance to play with the whole pregnancy thing. Since I had experienced pregnancy, I was like, “Oh, I know I'm going to be hungry all the time” or “I'm going to be sick all the time.” So, adding those little things was fun.

You've also acted in a play with your Made in Heaven co-star, Jim Sarbh. What's your takeaway from working with him?

I wish I had his confidence. He really knows what he wants. I always second-guess myself. He's a fantastic actor, and he’s somebody with whom I can feel very present when we work together. We're just going to be playing a match of tennis. You know the person’s going to hit that ball back and it's great to have that because sometimes you hit that ball and it just falls; nobody is sending that ball back. So I don't have that problem with him.

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